The Replacement
by Lilya
Summary: Susan couldn’t help but wondering if she was even meant to be there in first place. If she truly was, and would always be, only a substitute for Anne. OS. Movieinsipred, I think could fit both ways


Title: Replacement

Author: Lilya

E-mail: Angst/Drama

Summary: Susan couldn't help but wondering if she was even meant to be there in first place. If she truly was, and would always be, only a substitute for Anne.

Main characters: Susan Pevensie, Peter Pevensie.

Rating: PG

Disclaimer: I own the plot and Anne. All the rest is C. S. Lewis.

Author's notes:

1) English is not my native tongue. If you find any mistake – which I'm sure you will – please correct me.

2) The first line is a quote from the movie – however, as a translation of a translation, it's probably incorrect. If somebody remembers the actual line, please tell me and I'll fix it.

3) I changed the Pevensie's ages a bit – Peter is four years older then Susan, while she's three years older than Edmund.

**REPLACEMENT**

"I know what you were trying to do!" Peter snarled. "You were trying to play smart, as usual!"

It felt as if he had slapped her in the face. Her eyes filled with tears, but she forced them back before somebody else could notice them.

Inside of her, an old wound started bleeding again.

Susan quickly started reciting her logically-made mantra – _it's not true, mom and dad do love me and they **did** want me, I'm not a thief and certainly not a murderer._

All those perfectly reasonable words, however, didn't stop a small child buried in the back of her mind from crying bitterly.

Sometimes, Susan wondered if it wouldn't be better if he hit her.

_But he won't,_ Susan thought, _not anymore. He only did it once._ She closed her eyes for a moment. _I remember that. I wish I didn't, but I do remember. What about you, Peter? Do you remember?_

Flashback

She was always there for him. She was his best friend, his favorite playmate – his little sister. He swore he would always protect her, for he was a boy and he was one whole year older.

They were close – she was in his earliest memories, she was always by his as they discovered the world on unsteady legs.

They were really close – even mum said so. She used to say that Peter and Anne acted like twins.

But one day, they told him that Anne couldn't play with him anymore. They told him she was sick. He wanted to go to see her, but they wouldn't let him.

He said that he would be good and only sit on her bed. Maybe he could hold her hand and tell her a story, she was probably bored and tried of staying in bed anyway.

They still told him no.

And one day, his mother cried and cried and his father sat on his bed and told him that Anne was gone, his baby sister had gone to Heaven.

He told him that it was a pretty place, full of sweets and pets. Peter didn't care: he wanted Anne back with him.

They didn't bring him to the funeral and maybe it was a mistake – Peter never got to say goodbye to his baby sister.

He only knew that one day Anne was playing with him and the next she was gone and he was left all alone.

Mum and dad were really sad – at least for a while. Then the grown-ups started talking excitingly. Then mum couldn't pick him up anymore.

Grandma said she hoped it would be a girl, so Peter would have a sister to play with again.

His little heart pounded in his chest – Anne was coming back. He knew that Anne would never leave him, he was her big brother and she needed her. They were best friend.

One day, he was hushed into the room and told to greet his new baby sister.

Peter peered into the crib and frowned.

A small, pinkish thing looked back at him, gurgling.

It wasn't Anne.

Anne was bigger, Anne was slimmer, Anne actually talked and didn't make silly noises. Anne's eyes were soft-brown, not blue-cold. Anne's hair were long and blonde, not a patch of black perched atop of a round head.

Mum and dad talked and cooed stupidly over the crib. Couldn't they see that this wasn't Anne? That this – thing had taken her sister's place?

"Say hello to Susan, Peter."

_Two years later…_

Susan sat on the thick carpet in the playroom, carefully trying to decide which dress her doll should wear. She raised her head at the sound of the door being opened and closed.

"Peter!" she said gleefully, not noticing his sulky appearance, and held out her doll to him. "Play with me?"

Susan was really happy – she adored her older brother, even if he never played with her. He was older and already went to school – which, to her eyes, made him brave and wise.

Peter stared at her and the doll offered to him. Then, he suddenly snatched the toy out of her tiny hands. "You can't play with this!"

"My doll!" she cried out, stretching her arms, but Peter held it away from her grasp.

"It's not yours!" he shouted. "You can't play with it, it's not yours! It was Anne's and you stole it from her!"

"Not true!" Susan said. "Mine, mine, mine!"

"It's NOT" he shouted. "You stole it from Anne, you're a thief!"

"You're bad!" Susan wailed as she started to cry.

"_**You**_ are! You stole Anne's place and her toys! You're a thief and a murderer!" he launched at her and started beating her and scratching her, shouting and crying incoherently. "Thief! Thief! Mom and dad only took you to fill her place, they don't really love you! They didn't want you! You're a thief! You stole Anne's place! You're only here because she's gone! You're not my sister, Anne is! I want Anne back, I don't want you! I don't want you! I DON'T WANT YOU!"

Susan raised her tiny arms and tried to cover her head from Peter's assault, tears mixed with blood slowly running down her face.

Both kept on crying and screeching until her mother rushed in and separated them.

End Flashback

Her mother had talked to her and logically demonstrated that Peter was wrong. She clung to logic, to the things that were sure and certain ever since.

It didn't quite stop Peter's angry sneers and dirty looks from hurting, though.

But she clung to logic nonetheless, because it was the only thing keeping her together.

Then Edmund came along, and then Lucy and Peter was too caught up in his renown role of eldest brother to glare at her and remind her that she was not his sister – Anne was.

However unwillingly, however grudgingly, he started warming up to her little by little, especially when she helped him in taking care of the little ones.

Susan was positive that he had never forgotten about the baby sister she had never known – Peter had merely stopped talking about her.

But his words and actions had left a scar on Susan's soul.

And later, as the world around her exploded in light and dance, as Cair Palavel echoed with music and cheers, she stood back and forced herself to smile.

The crown rested on her head, but deep down, Susan couldn't help but wondering if she was even meant to be there in first place.

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